When the Boys Meet the Girls

After two World Wars, civil right revolutions, women lib movement, we have unquestionably modified our behaviorfor good, at least in the Western countries. Gender roles within relationships as well as expectations in marriages have undergone substantial changes. This has provoked a significant crisis in the marriage institution itself. After all, our grandparents knew exactly what to expect from each other... now we are not so sure.But besides that "crisis", it has also lead us to a better understanding of ourselves as human beings, these strange savage creatures. We’ve started crossing that conventional, unimaginative, and conformist border over to the "other side": the terra icognita of our "significant other half" (whatever his o her sex happens to be!)"Female lead" relationships, in which the female partner takes over the responsibilities, duties, and (let's admit it) "privileges" that were once assigned to husbands only, are not rare any more.But what I haven't heard of that often is about couples in which the role exchange is taken to the point in which the "biological" male actually takes a female name, and dresses her part, wearing garments conventionally assigned to women.As my readers know so well, that happens to be precisely our case. After all, am I or am I not taking over the female role? Shouldn't my persona display that? Why conceal it? Shouldn't I overtly express it in my looks? "Fashion" is, after all, important means of projecting your personality, of making a public statement about who you are and what you think of yourself. Then I need to dress like... myself!Is that "cross-dressing"? I don't think so. My "dressing" has not "crossed" any nonsensical boundary line over to what's supposed to be "the other sex"... I have! My looks only reflect that.It's not a big deal, though, I tell you. What's more: If any of you lads out there is still holding back his needs, and cannot summon enough courage to dress in an androgynous, feminine or girly fashion on a 24/7 basis, let me just encourage you: You'll be surprised at the very little attention you get whatsoever. (Unless the reason you want to "cross-dress" is precisely to get other people's attention. In that case you might feel disappointed!)

Yes, you might come across rude comments once in a while, depending on where you strive (I can imagine that if I attended a soccer game, I would be looking for trouble). You can even be discriminated against for a job. But after all, if you are not be accepted the way you really are, then why be after that job anyway?
I have undergone that experience myself, I should admit, but not too often: after all I am a housewife, so I already have plenty of work ...

My daily life runs mostly uneventful, even as I display my dresses and skirts all around the neighborhood when I go shopping for groceries. If I ever receive any response at all, other that a snooping glance, it is more often that not a compliment rather than a scornful remark.

Are things really changing, then? Well, that’s something I'm not so sure about, something I keep asking to myself every now and then. But I’ve discovered a way to find out wether or not our society at large is progressing in that respect, or if it is rather regressing. Guess what: small children.

Out of politeness or plain dishonesty, grown-ups may conceal what they really think about you. Specially if you are different. Kids, on the other hand, tend to speak their hearts out. In doing so, they show, besides their natural curiosity, any prejudices that could have been instilled in them by their parents.

“Boys don’t wear earrings!”
“Says who?”
“My dad”

And who are you to question dad’s authority? Well, that dialogue took place several years ago. (I should admit that back then not many men had both ears pierced).

Those infantile chats have evolved, though. Some few years ago, I was approached by a small girl, probably five or six. She straightforwardly asked, as only a child dares to inquire:
“Are you a boy or girl?”
For me, the irony of that brief conversation was that, during that particular scene, I had the impression that I was looking very “masculine”, at least to my standards. But I should admit that I probably did not look that manly after all: I was wearing bright red pants, large earrings, black closed-toes shoes but with heels, and a matching handbag.
“And what do you think I am?”
“Mmm… I dunno… you have a beard…”
“So?”
“So I think you’re a man”
And having proclaimed that , she turned around and left, while continuing with her ice-cream.

A new step in the evolution (or decline) can be perceived in my most recent questioning, only last week. (Why are the askers always girls, never a boy?) This time I was appareled as my normal self: a white silken blouse, black embroidered trousers, platform wedge sandals, complemented with a large red hanging collar, silver earrings, and rings.
As I was in a clinic’s waiting room, my interviewer showed up: a pre-elementary school girl, not older than five. She probably had never before come across a bearded individual wearing my apparel, so she simply went ahead and asked (much to her mother’s dismay):
“Boy or girl?”
“What do you think?” I replied, trying to investigate, like in my former conversation, any preconceptions she might have.
“Boy or girl?” she repeated laconically, while she let herself hang from a bench.
As I sensed that our chat could last forever, I answered wryly:
“I’m a girl, only that not a very beautiful one…”
She just stared at me. I realized she was too young for ironies or witty remarks, so I confessed:
“No: a boy… I’m a boy”
“Boys don’t wear high heels!”
“Why?”
“Because they don’t”
“But I like them!”
“But you can’t wear them… they are for girls!” she said, still swinging from the armchair.
I was about to comment with her about girls doing fun things like driving trucks or becoming astronauts… but it was my turn with the doctor.

My conclusion: yes, we probably still have a long way to go in the road to complete mutual acceptance among human beings… But if Sandra and I kept waiting for things to change completely, we wouldn’t be enjoying this life-style, the one we have chosen for ourselves!